The Mom's Book of Worries

I knew Grandma Letterman well, but my kids did not and I was sad for that hole in their family which they would never even feel. But our Dad... now there was a man who adored his children and grandchildren as much as breathing. He cried as he held each one and worried over them if they were even slightly sick or had need for anything. He had already survived a brutal stroke 

that had his left side impaired and barely functional. It also left him in constant pain which grew from agony to aggravating. He never accepted the loss of his independence and cried as he held our youngest in one arm realizing he could never play with her like he wanted.

Our daughter was forever in awe of her "Papa" and always played shy. Still her held her as often as he could and loved hearing her laugh. She never got to wear the T shirt he bought her for him to see. She was such a petite thing that it is still to big for her. It says "My Heart Belongs to Grandpa" and she will wear it for the first time this summer. He'll have to look down to see her in it now. But we have no doubt that he is indeed looking down and that Heaven has two of our family's prayer angels in their ranks this year. Who needs a Christmas tree angel when you have two in Heaven!?

We miss our Dad. It just doesn't seem like Christmas this year. We are getting through the days now like he did every day of the past two years...slowly and with a bitter constant pain. But we'll improve even if a part of us is gone forever, just like Dad. We survive on memories from when he was whole and find peace knowing that he is like that again. We just wish it had been on different terms. We miss you!